The month of June is upon us and this time last year, I was spiralling out of control into a ball of anxiety and trepidation. As the days went by and we delved deeper into June, the anxiety just got worse. Truly the pressure kept getting werser. Therefore, you may not think it, but as you experience your long, seemingly endless wait that is accompanied by nervousness, I understand exactly how that feels.
For the weeks after my application but preceding June, I had managed to keep my calm and all thoughts of anything Chevening at bay. But the moment May exited after its long tenure, my brain decided to have the words “from early June” on repeat. Early June could be any time. I would wake up several times at night to check my email. I checked my email approximately 20 times a day. I would dream of all possible outcomes. My most recent search on all of my social media handles was Chevening because I wanted to see an update as soon as it dropped. But perhaps the worst part of it was that I could not truly share my nerves with anyone. Waiting is a lonely business like that. When you hope alone and quell that hope because you do not want disappointment. When you fantasize and un-fantasize alone. I understand exactly how you feel.
It was at that time that I searched for experiences of other people in the same situation to understand how they overcame it. But I couldn’t find anything. It made the loneliness of waiting more stark. I decided to join the communities on Whatsapp group and even though we were all a bunch of walking anxiety, we made each other feel better. We cracked jokes about how we will hug the ground once we make it to the UK, how we will meet on London Bridge and cry and how we have earned an Msc in Patience even before we start the proper masters. Finding a community you can allay your fears and energy to helps in calming you down and making you understand that you are not alone in that situation. It is also important in providing information and subsequent preparation.
Know that whatever will be will be. Granted that que sera sera is way easier and fancier said than done, but it is true. No amount of trepidation can change the outcome of your result. It left your hand a long time ago. Be prepared for whatever you may see whether it starts with “we are delighted, “thank you for attending” or “further to”. I knew that the first three words of my email meant my acceptance status and I was ready for whichever.
Continue doing the things you love and take your mind off the anticipation. Avoid falling into silent despair because you chose to be alone and thinking. Overthinking only harms you. Believe me, the wait is never over. Your whole year will be tests of patience on a rolling basis. Better to make use of your time being productive.
Whatever the outcome may be, Chevening is not the end of the world nor its beginning. Being accepted, on reserve or rejected all come with their challenges and tests. Not everyone can eventually make it, have faith that you are where you are meant to be and take the next course of action that is beneficial to you. Being accepted doesn’t make you better and not being accepted doesn’t mar how good you are to have made it this far.
DonateI wish you the very best in your outcome and may the odds be in the favour of this reader.
